Pandora bonfire

Hi everyone. This is me looking really sorta half annoyed and half angry. It's certainly getting colder that's for sure. Look, when I said I wanted free stuff I meant I wanted free good stuff, i.e: designer dresses in my size; designer shoes for my paws; free GHD's for my fur; MAC nail polish for my claws - you know, actual cool stuff, hello?

So what the f*** am I meant to do when someone, out of the goodness of their heart, sends me a cat charm and a Pandora bracelet?

a) Vomit
b) Vomit and shit simultaneously
c) scratch myself
d) drink a whole saucer of vodka laced milk
e) all of the above?

If you picked option e, you are a true Zumi lover. You know, Pandora bracelets just aint my thang.

I thought I made myself clear, I'm a cat with impeccably good taste, and when you send me shit like a Pandora charm and a Pandora bracelet, I'm going to lose my shit.

here is the offensive charm in question:

and here is the bracelet:

Disgusting.

Look, it's called Fashion Loaf for a reason. 

Don't nobody try pull this sort of shit with Zumi again, ya hearr? I'm going to help the world out and ask anyone that wants to be rid of these hideous bracelets to please email me swiftly, so I can organise a mass bonfire in my back yard of Pandora bracelets. The world of fashion relies on you to do the right thing. meow x.

Zumi likes it nice and rough

Zumi hearts la Tinas Turners! meow. check out this amazing clip! swoony poo poos.

hug a firecracker.

So apparently it's hug a ginger day today. Whilst I would usually not even make eye contact with ginger cats, I made an attempt to hug Percy, my ginger gardener.

Head down, I bashfully sauntered across my wonderfully manicured lawns in my Alexander Wang leopard print mules, stopping to sniff the posies along the way (I was actually just buying time).

My girlfriend Chiquita visiting from Mexico stayed in the house with her embellished sombreros (she's still not used to the cold you see), and took this picture of ginger Percy looking at me coming towards him.

Of course he was afraid. I usually only tell Percy what to do over a loudspeaker from the safety of my house, quickly stepping outside now and then to throw scraps at him, before scampering back inside in whatever shoes featured in Shoe of the Week in the previous Sunday mag.

With a bit of dutch courage ( I slurrped three bowls of tequila with Chiquita before hand), I went out and gave Percy a hug. "It's hug a ginger day Percy" I meowed. Before Percy could reply, I hot footed it back inside, made a bee line for the shower and doused myself in Janola.

Meow. Love you ginger's! (but just for today). xx

Here's a picture of me looking outside, contemplating on whether or not I could go out to see Percy.

So brave. x

scrotum cats

Sorry I meant Sphynx cats. Yes that's what they're called. The hairless one's from Lady Gaga's video. Look like a size 16 Tegal chicken from Pak n Save. Kinda gross to look at. Almost feels like your eyeballs are being raped. Make the furs on my body stand on end. Yeah, those one's.

I used to date one, his name was Brandon. It felt so unatural, but so good at the same time.

These days Sphynx cats are becoming fashionable. Here's a Sphynx cat with supermodel Valentina on the latest issue of W magazine (Korea). I think the Korean versions of W, Vogue and Numero are waaay hotter than most of their western counterparts. This cover shot is very sexual because it has a cat on the cover, albeit a scrotum-y looking cat.

Scrotum cats better not be taking my crown though. Russian Blue's are forever in demand, and I am werrrking it right now.  meow. x

Cats love rabbits too x

My dear friend Fifi Lapin the rabbit, sent me a lovely message and some images of her and her latest outfit purchases from Givenchy and Dolce & Gabbana. She's is by far the most sexual rabbit I know, and I believe us fashionable furry animals need to stick together. Have a look at her adventures on
www.fifi-lapin.blogspot.com
She's so well known in the global fashion industry, she really doesn't need any introduction, and with a growing empire, she's totally a mentor for brand Zumi.

meow. x

Queen Bee x

Here's my style icon for today. All hail the real Queen B!! Lil Kim! She really is another source of inspiration to me, especially as a cat entrepreneur. Lil Kim motivates me as a cat, to defy the odds and to soldier on with my various projects. I love you Lil Kim! I've found  my favourite Lil Kim song, Came Back for you (La Bella Mafia, 2003), and I dedicate it to all my cats out there working hard for their money! put your paws up! independent pussies! meow. x

"Shout out to my gurrl Victoria Gotti and the whole Gotti family, stay up! " Meow.

Hair Crack

Going from a streaky hot mess to a sensual dove grey was probably the best thing that I could have done to my fur. I totally relate to Nicole Richie making fun of US talk show host Kelly Ripa in this TV advert spoof. I couldn't keep my paws off my fur when I finally had it coloured!! love you Nicole! you're way better than that whore Paris Hilton! xx

Selena Cat tribute

Here's a picture of me and my best friend Chiquita visting from Mexico. She bought a few embellished sombrero's over and I captured her this afternoon when we were fooling around drinking tequila shots. We paid tribute to our favourite cumbia singer, the late and great Selena Quintanilla. We managed to find time to get the two tequila shots professionally lit and photograhed for your viewing pleasure too. We miss you Selena's. Te Quiero. Te Quiero. xx

Jak & Jilz

Weerkkk it! here's my fellow model friend Tabbey Lee Kershaw, werrking her bondi hippie chic sexual self in L.A last week. Miss you Tabbey!!! xxx meow.

I am...Zumi Reeley

Surprise! Here's the cover for my new album dropping very soon! don't I look amazing? you know I look amazing right? This was shot while I was in Paris last month by my dear friend, Meowio Testino.

I know you are all eagerly anticipating the release of my auto tuned meowing, it's going to go banana's.

Here's the final track list, opening up with my debut single, Sweet Dreams of a Single Cats Ego.

1. Sweet Dreams of a Single Cats Ego
2. Why don't you love Zumi?
3. Zumi is irreplacable
4. If I were a Tomcat (Feat. Taylor Swift)
5. Single Cats
6. Zumi's big ego (Feat. Justin Bieber)
7. De Ja Vu of Zumi
8. Check on Zumi
9. Don't touch my Tomcat you smelly cougar (Feat. Lil' Kim)
10. Zumi's Halo

can't wait for it to come out. meow. x

Mirror

Here's a photo that I took of my friend Leticia freaking out in front of some mirrors. A bunch of us got drunk in the weekend and decided to put her in front of some and point out all her flaws. Soooo much fun!!! Trinny & Susannah have NOTHING on Zumi. Love ya Leticia! xx meow

This week's inspiration

Wow. WOW!!!!!! This book cover is amaaaaazing!! As I have said before, Jenny is one of my idols. She's so sexual, so inspirational - plus she has amaaaaaazing breasts. Love her! I hope that one day I too can have a book cover just like this. Can't wait to read what Jenny has to say about SEX...but OMG I hope she doesn't bring up sex with Jim Carrey...EW!!!!!

arts and crafts day

Here's a picture of me today looking bored. There was a glimmer sunlight this morning, but it lasted for 5 seconds before it started to piss down with rain. I was going to get all crafty like Sally Ridge and make myself a toy covered vase like Sally did below, but I couldn't get off the floor.

It's amazing what you can do with a hot glue gun and an afternoon smoking marijuana.

Hair Choreography

I'm currently fine tuning my long awaited video for my new single 'Sweet dreams of a single cats ego', but feel like i needed to work on my choreography. Hair choreography to be precise. I'm actually really thinking about getting some dove grey fur extensions so I can look all sexual everywhere I go with the wind blowing through my fur. Don't you just wish you had a wind machine that followed you around everywhere?

Check out this video of Beyonce at the Grammy Awards this year. They should have given her an award for best hair choreography, cos that shit was keeerazzzy. It's as if she was really trying to say "that's right fools, this weave aint going no where, even if I spin my head around like a crazy bitch. This top of the range Indian hair is glued, tied and permanent!! Holla!! check it out at 2.43 sec... Hair Choreography in full throttle. Drag queens everywhere would've creamed their jeans over this shit.

Michael's Whittakkers

OMG! my obsession with male model Michael Whittakker really knows no boundaries. Here's a picture of him wearing round glasses. And below that is a pic of me in an out take from a Tom Ford Cat eyewear campaign, wearing round glasses. spooky!

latest puuurchase

Finally got my Erin Wasson for RVCA chambray playsuit in the mail today! loves it. Here's a pic of me rolling around like a slut. I'm totes going to be the most ferociously fierce cat when I go on my mid winter getaway in June to the maldives! yay! meow. x P.S: designers, if you would still like to contribute to my expanding wardrobe, email me fashionloaf@gmail.com xx

It's Zumi, bitch.

Hey sexuals. I had a panic attack yesterday and thought about ending fashionloaf, but then I woke up this morning and realised catnip and vodka laced milk can be a pretty leathal combo. Thank you for all the kind messages. Everyone has been very supportive in wanting me to continue, so I'm back you whores.

This is me...then. Zumi Reely. 23.05.2010. Fashion. Love. Art.

xxx

The value of Fashion Magazines

It's tough being a cat of many talents, but I believe that it is through all my amazing magazine editorial work that I have been able to branch out into other creative areas. You all know that i'm pro re-touching and I think the further removed from reality, the better (the majority of the times, bar a few special cases).
Magazines, like movies, are there to provide you with a few hours of fun fantasy, that's why women buy them. If they were templates for reality they'd be called life magazines, not fashion magazines, and, seeing as we can all see reality everyday for free, they'd probably have a much lower circulation. meow meow. x

Nirvana cutie poos

cutie poos kitten with the late great cutie poos Kurt. meow.

Why don't you love me

Ok so B-dogg totally redeemed herself with her new music video 'Why don't you love me?'. She looks super cool in it. Here's my girlfriend Samantha pretending to be just like Beyonce today. We're currently both at home in our chinchilla furs and Fred Leighton jewels drinking martinis, watching Clueless and My So Called Life on You Tube, simultaneously pawing through the latest Grazia, as the rain continues to pour down outside.

meow x

The mystery of the bejewelled bandana

Above, you will see a picture of Zippora Seven walking for Stolen Girlfriends Club at Rosemount Australain Fashion Week this month. underneath that is Jennifer Lopez with P Diddy. There is striking similarities between Zippora and J LO. I believe they may be long lost sisters seperated at birth.

DO YOU CONCUR?

Zumi Reeley, Private eye. I'm watching you.

Zumi's Gloomy Poo day

What a rainy gloomy poos day in Auckland today. Here are two pictures to help brighten up your day.

A picture of me lying down. (Source: Vogue Cat UK)

A picture of Rachel Glucina's ass.

Smile! meow meow. x

Get out of my front row

Look, I might have to scratch some faces up if I see any of the above in the front row at NZ Fashion Week in September. Hey designers: why don't you find some new celebs to plant in your front row? I'm, like, sooooooooo sick of seeing Keisha in borrowed samples, Petra and her mum in Helen Cherry/Kate Sylvester/Workshop/Trelise Cooper, Samantha Hayes looking all sexual and threatening to my self-esteem, and Boh Runga, well, fucking everywhere! Massive cat YAWN!!!!!! There are so many other ladies out there that are deserving of all your free shit AND are a fresh face. If I was a hip PR person repping a hip fashion label this fashion week, THIS is who I would make them put in their front row. PRs and designers, feel free to take notes. Meow meow xx

Auntie Mabel (second from the right) and the rest of the Aunties from Maori TV's Ask Your Auntie (RIP): Hot, helpful, strong and independent women - THAT'S what I call a front row!

Rose Matafeo: I saw this chick in the Viva yesterday and knew she was a fierce bitch when I read this: "Ugly clothing has always been made, so just because someone may have hiked the price and called it vintage doesn't necessarily mean it's going to look great." SOOOO TRUE! Get this girl a fashion column and in the front row!!!

Anika Moa: Because she could keep the important media person sitting next to her entertained and would probably turn up in bare feet; I totez love her 'I don't give a fuck' attitude to fashun.

Carolyn Robinson: Everyone gushes over Samantha Hayes and David Farrier from TV3. Yawn! I much prefer Carolyn Robinson (in the polka dots). Haughty babe!! She would be seated next to her news reading partner in crime, the sexual Alistair Wilkinson.

Te Aho Eketone-Whitu from Boy: My amazing PR senses are telling me to get your fashion hands on this kid now before some other fashion brand does. Tres adorable!!!!

Girl power

Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Britney, J Lo, Madonna, Aaliyah, Lil Kim, Lindsay Lohan: I just love to support my fellow strong independent females doing incredible things in the music industry. It's tough out there, and sisters gotta stick together. But there are two idiots in the charts right now that make me want to cough up a massive fur ball. In fact, Kesha looks like a massive fur ball that's been hidden behind the couch for two days. And oh my GOD Katy Perry's new song makes me want to scratch my ears off. So they both win Fashionloaf biggest 'douchebag of the week' prize. Congratulations girls!!! Meow.

The world at your pores

THE WORLD AT YOUR PORES ACCORDING TO ZUMI...

Photos: Nonny

Who am I? Zumi Reely

Occupation? Freelance stylist/DJ/Blogger/Muse/Artist/Writer/Model/Hat maker/Designer/PR person/Actress/Singer/Magazine editor/Icon

Location? Fashionloaf head office - Auckland

Your influences past and present? Strong independent black women, Lady Gaga, early J Lo, Andre Leon Talley, FASHION, ART, LOVE.  What shoes and clothes are you wearing? I'm wearing a gorgeous fur in sensual dove grey shade, with my new nail polish in the new 'Brown Bag' shade on my claws, yo! Where did you get them from? The fur is all Zumi, and the nail polish is from M.A.C., the only makeup I'll allow near me. Why have you chosen these shoes + outfit For e.g. Style, Comfort, Fashion? I'm all about austere Amish chic at the moment, and I feel that my sensual dove grey colour references that while still being totally sexual. I ALWAYS go for style over comfort; fashion is PAIN bitches!! Favourite items or must haves? Fashion, art, love. What was the first pair of shoes you just had to have? I don't like to look back, I live in the now. And in the now, I just have to have the Noritaka Tatehana's 'Night Makers' with a 13cm platform and 27cm invisible heel, just like my girl Lady Gaga.

Save Suri

Suri Cruise is a major cutie poos in my eyes. For her birthday she got to try on Wedding dresses at a Beverly Hills bridal shop.

She left with a $35,000 tiara.

In her wardrobe is a $1180 Ferragamo handbag and a Holmes & Yang dress, worth $890.

Amazing. And I'm totes Jel.

Here is a picture of her trying to run away from her dad, Tom Cruise. Because of these factors combined, I think she is totes fierce... I really hope that I get to meet this style icon of our times, because you know, she reminds me of me, when I was a little kitten. A total munchkin diva. meow.

don't forget the hot sauce, cholo

It's been hard trying to write songs for my debut album. There's so much more to it than just auto tuned meowing in 8 different octaves, two of which Mariah Carey hasn't even discovered yet. Part of my inspiration however came from the wonderful J.Lo songs that Cartman from South Park wrote circa 2003, or what I prefer to call, the Bennifer Era, the golden age of singular named couples.

A wonderful coupling indeed, who could forget how Ben Affleck love tapped Jennifer's derriere on a yacht in the Jenny from the block video? amazing. And the source of so much inspiration in my cat life. Meow. Please watch this video on loop. It's that inspiring. Meow. xx

Emo friends.

Do you guys have shitty emo's for friends? I try not to surround myself with too much negativity, but here's a picture of my shitty emo friend Ramona, totally a left over friendship from when we were in kitten kindy together.

Ever the pessimistic, she knows how to kill the mood with her erratic ADHD behaviour. Sorry Ramona, If you're reading this, you saw It coming.

Anyways, now that I'm a hot sexy fame whoring cat with a music video, book, reality TV show and a lucrative cat modelling career underway, it's time to cull the emo dead weight. What better way to do this than on Fashionloaf! Goodbye Ramona. Totally don't need your shit right now. meow. x

Here are some pictures of other annoying emo's that I would like to purge from my cat brain:

Claire Danes in My So Called Life.

Jared Leto.

Estelle from The Golden Girls.

Holly Smith and Rodney Wayne.

(Totally found a million emo pics of Holly, but this one made me shriek)

meow meow. xx