Bitch Sandwich

Here's a shot of me taken by Meowio Testino earlier this year sandwiched bewteen two idols of mine: Amber Mariens from Clueless and the amazing Mary Cherry from Popular. Biaarccches!!! meow.

Anyway, just on to the last shot of the day here in Paris, going to celebrate with my girls for a night out before I head back to NZ tomorrow morning... see you bitches soon. xx

oooh la la!

Hello! zis iz Zumi reporting from Gay Paree!!

Anyways, long flight but I managed to fill in the time by drinking martini's, entertaining my fellow passengers in first class with my wit and charm; watching in flight movies and taking long cat naps. That's me at a welcome back Zumi party with chic fashion editor for Paris Vogue, Emmanuelle Alt and the incredibly talented designer/photographer visonaire, Hedi Slimane; my room at the Hotel Ritz in Paris; and a picture of fellow French cat supermodel, Laetitia Cat-sta in my room.

I'm shooting with Meowio Testino tomorrow! going now to Leonor Greyl (15 rue Tronchet Paris 8eme) to get my roots done and to L appartement 217  (217 rue saint honore Paris 1er) for a body treatment before dinner back at my fabulous hotel with Sarah from Colette (amazing department store) and Vanessa Paradis for a night of amazing French caviar, wine and gay abandon. meow meow. xx

Paris Zumi

N.B: US CAT Vogue: Congrats to my gurrrl Tabby Lee Kershaw (above) for her hot debut cover for US Cat Vogue! Werrk them cat fashions gurrrl  xx

Just had a low key brunch with Justin Bieber at Prego, now I'm doing airport chic in my comfy Fifi Lapin for Le Sport Sac travel bag, on my way for an exclusive editorial for Paris Cat Vogue...in Paris! I'm going to make like Victoria Beckham and rake up the flybys points this year as i'll be doing a lot of travelling to various jobs around the world. Can't wait to see my 'dream team' Catrine Roitfeld and Meowio Testino! xx

Oh shizz

OMG I am so pissed and stressed out right now. Rosemount Australian Cat Fashion Week (RACFW) totally rejected my registration!!!! I just can't believe it: why would they do that? Come on, I'm an independent writer with a blog that 10 people read. Like, helllo?! That should mean automatic registration and entry to all the best shows!

Reflection

I'm excited about the release of the 58th issue of Visionaire, in memoriam to Alexander McQueen.

Titled "Spirit" the collectable will feature work dedicated to McQueen by Nick Knight, Lady Gaga, Steven Klein, Mario Sorrenti, Steven Meisel, Inez van Lamsweerde, and Vinoodh Matadin. Packaged in a hard case designed by the McQueen studio and wrapped metallic brocade from the spring 2010 Plato's Atlantis collection, Visionaire #58 will be sold in a limited edition of 1,500 this June for USD$295. Furthermore, the paper stock is loose leaf sprinkled with wild flower seeds that when planted with water grow poppies and snap dragons for your very own McQueen-inspired garden.


I want to buy one and grow my own McQueen garden, so that me and my cat friends can come together and bask in the garden of McQueen. Amazing... Fashion, Love, Art. xx
  

Baby baby baby oooooooooooooooh

Sorry, no posts today - I'm heading out to stalk Justin Bieber.
OMG!!!! So excited!!!!!!!!

Here are some lyrics that Justin is totally singing about me:

"And girl you're my one love, my one heart

My one life for sure

Let me tell you one time

Girl, I love, girl I love you

I'ma tell you one time

Girl, I love, girl I love you

And I'ma be your one guy

You'll be my #1 girl

Always making time for you

I'ma tell you one time

Girl, I love, girl I love you

I'ma tell you one time

Girl, I love, girl I love you."

I LOVE YOU TOO JUSTIN!!!!! xxxxxx

Zumi's manifesto

This is the Manifesto of Zumi Reely:

There's something heroic about the way Zumi lovers operate their cameras; so precisely intricately and so proudly; like kings writing the history of their people. It's their prolific nature that both creates and procures what will later be perceived as the "kingdom." So, the real truth about Zumi lovers, lies in this sentiment: they are the kings, they are the queens, they write the history of the kingdom, and I am something of a devoted Jester.

It is in the theory of perception that we have established our bond; or, the lie, I should say, for which we kill. We are nothing without our image, without our projection, without the spiritual hologram of who we perceive ourselves to be, or rather to become, in the future.

When you're lonely, I'll be lonely too, and this is Fashionloaf.

Love, Fashion and art,

24/03/2010,

Zumi Reely x

Don't cough near me

I am a total diva bitch and I love fellow strong independent females. I've admired Xtina since she released Genie in a Bottle, although my respect for her increased tenfold when she came out with her Stripped album - a Zumi Classic. And OMG I totally love her new song!!! And I love this video where she gets all diva on someone's ass because they deign to cough while she is talking. Totally know how you feel gurrrrl! When people cough near me, I swipe their face with my claws. Love you Xtina! xx meow

Be my friend

I'm on Facebook bitches! Let's be BFF's for life - add me!!!!

xx meow meow

Werrking That Style Best Bizz Mans Awards 2010

So I've been a bit slack reporting on all the amazing fashion events I've been to. Here's a picture of me at the Workingstyle Best Dressed Businessman Awards last week looking sexual.

..And here's a picture of the winner. His name is Willard, and that's a mouse on his shoulder, both equally delicious. Ok I lie. The winner was some other guy who looks like Willard, but I only stayed at the event for 15 minutes, so whatverrr haterrz.

Love Zumi. xx 

The Z-List: Are you on it?

My friend Deeny ripping up and eating Rachel Glucina's Spy pages

Sick of seeing D-list celebrities in the social pages each week and wonder why the fuck they are always photographed? I've taken action and compiled a list of New Zealand faces who really matter. I've judged it on a myriad of criteria, which I can't really be bothered sharing with you. Here are the most fascinating faces in New Zealand. That's how Zumi sees it!!!!

1. Nay Nay from SPQR

2. Vince Martin from the Beaurepaires ads

3. Margaret on K Road

4. Gerald from Shortland Street

5. The human statue guy on Queen Street
6. Oliver Driver's dog

7. Thingee

8. Shane Cortese's spray tanner

9. Annie Crummer

10. The bouncer that kicked Matthew Ridge out of Racket's female toilet on Thursday night.

Another famous friend

OMG you will never guess who I saw at the airport last night! Amy Winehouse!!! I probably shouldn't tell you this, but she was in town for a few weeks in rehab. We caught up for a few drinks last night; our mutual friend tried to take us to the Longroom but Amy was all like, "I'd rather have cat aids, thank you!". Love ya Amy!! xx

Susie Cubble's Top 5 Weekly Style Poo Poo's

For the week ending 25.04.2010

Me and my BFF, stylist Susie Cubble (above) , who is writing the weekly Style Poo Poos for Fashionloaf, stumbled across the Longroom bar, (114 Ponsonby Road, Auckland, New Zealand) for a drink, but our eyeballs got raped by the many style violations witnessed. Susie decided to do a Longroom Style Poo Poo special. Love ya Susie. meow. xx

1. Sluts in Supre minge base dresses at The Longroom
2. Striped shirted Lynx wearing Jersey shore rapists/planks of wood at The Longroom
3. Stupid fat doormen/planks of wood at The Longroom
4. Slutty, dried up old cougars smelling like Holiday Menthols, Impulse and Chardonnay wearing Supre minge base dresses at The Longroom
5. Adam Parore, Brent Todd, Marc Ellis, Matthew Ridge douche bag sandwich at The Longroom. Wearing Lynx Java.

This is a picture of me after my eyeballs were raped at The Longroom.

I LIKE POO!

Baking day

I was booked for a shoot yesterday, but I found out I wasn't going to get paid, so I basically didn't turn up. Turned my diamond encrusted blackberry off too and decided to have the day off.

Here I am in front of my pantry deciding what to bake. Yes BAKE! me!? crazy I know, but I've recently become fond of baking shit loads of cakes, cupcakes and scones. All gluten free of course and I only use organic ingredients. Then I go kerrrazzzy with the icing sugar and make sure everything looks cutie cutie with pink flowers and love hearts and shit. Here's a cupcake I made inspired by...ME. that's right, me.

Strike a pose.

As a top cat model, I've learnt a few tricks of the trade. I'm going to be sharing some of these secrets with you as part of a book I'm writing called Intimately Zumi- the definitive guide to cat modeling.

When things aren't working out on a shoot, sometimes the best way is to consult US Vogue for some basic 101 fail proof poses. Here we have 'the jump'. Katren Elson (hot ginge) is werrking 'the jump' here for a shoot with Terry Richardson for the next issue of US Cat Vogue. Look, you just can't go wrong with a little jump and a blast of wind in your fur. Works a charm. Haters, take note, write it down, it'll last longerrr. meow. xx

Patrick Demarchelier for US Vogue as seen in September Issue with Caroline Trentini. I've got three words for you: FI- ER-CEE. Oh, and Emily...that's all.

On Location

Here's a shot of me today looking Fiercely Ferocious. It's for the next issue of Fashion Cat Quarterly, and of course, for the cover! like HELLO!? Zumi doesn't do Rodney Wayne inserts...I'm just like my girl friend Kat Moss who always appears on the cover of UK Cat Vogue... tried and true, and always the best selling issue of the year. That's right bitches, ZUMI SELLS.

We shot on some rock faces in West Auckland. Here I am chanelling Britney Spears, I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. meow. xx

Jizz on my claws

My friend Kristin gave me a bottle of her new nail polish to play with, and here I am doing that and admiring my painted claws. Following up winter's poison-looking Dickweed shade...this one is called Jizz. LOL sooooo sexual!!!!

Drektitude girfriend, you is drecktitude, and your shoes are patently gauche x

I'm totally re-posting this shot of me wearing a pair of tres-cool shades, channeling my mentor, Andre Leon Talley, the fabulous Editor-at-Large for US Vogue (listed as contributing editor on the April masthead). I had the honour of working with Andre last week for the next issue of US Vogue Cat! He's one of the few people that believed in me from the start. He always encourages me to do my best and he says the most wonderful things to lift my spirits: 

"Most of the Vogue girls are so thin, tremendously thin, because Miss Anna don't like fat people."

"I find that the pointed toe in the ankle strap shoe is patently gauche, it looks awkward."

"Here the leg is patently gauche but it works, that sort of awkward pigeon-toed moment."

"This would definitely hit the reject floor at Vogue. Slap! Next!"

Love you A.L.T xxx meow

Mean Fat Whore

This is Carolina. I prefer to call her fat Carol. She used to be a size 0 like me, but ever since she started writing a gossip column for the Cat Herald On Sunday, she's taken to sitting at her laptop all day everyday eating cheesecakes and piling on the pounds. We used to model together back in the day, but she used to be a total bitch to me. It's so awkward now that we see eachother at fashion parties. I'm like, totally thinner and hotter and more successful than she is. Now she's got a lame gossip column and the only modeling jobs she gets booked for are The Fat Cat Carpenters Daughter label for plus size and obese cats; and also Pro-Active Solution informercials.

Papa-papa-razzi

The UK Paps are so relentless. Here's my good friend and fellow cat model Katsia Strauss being hounded by badly dressed paps on her way to get a soy-decaf mocca latte frap from Starbucks after walking a whopping 67 shows at London Cat Fashion Week. Come on guys, give the girl a break! love ya Katsia babsey... just work it honey, they hating on you girl friend. meow. x

Zumi's big day out

I had such a busy day doing nothing yesterday. Here's how it went down: a cardboard box, Katren Walker, a cafe with a famous friend, a tree, an art gallery, home.

I chronicled my interesting day of doing nothing, to share with you. First stop, a cardboard box.

This is me in a cardboard box.

Then we decided to mince our way down Ponsonby Road, stopping into Katren Walker's boutique on the way. Here's my friend Whitney mincing past the ZambesiCat store. I bought an overpriced Jo Malone candle from The Dairy; I like how they combine fashion with other things, like candles.

Then my celebrity friend Sammy came and met up with us at my favourite cafe for a bit. This is her doing her best coy and flirtatious sexy pose. Cutie!!

Then we had half an hour to kill so we decided to climb some trees. This is me, in a tree. Don't I look fierce?

After that we went to the art gallery; this piece is just incredible, I love how the artist uses the cat's fur to examine society's fear of aging, and the eyes just say so much without saying anything at all.

Then I came home and read a few books from my Penguin Classics book library, had a chai milk, gluten free catnip and lit my new Jo Malone candle.

I think you'll agree with me when I say that it was a great day.

Hot Mess.

Ok, so designers, you need to be sending me free shit. Hello, I'm a sexy hot cat, and I know it. I'm getting a wee bit peeved that my request for samples and gifts have gone somewhat unoticed. I mean, look, even when I'm upset, I look tres cutie poo. meow. x

Tender Zumi

Quiet day today. It's been such a hectic week and I've been out every night meeting up with friends, going to parties and getting wasted. I woke up with a terrible hangover today, so I cheered myself up by having a hearty platter of French caviar and a large saucer of almond flavoured milk, followed by an afternoon gathering flowers. So soothing.

Here I'm putting the final touches to my floral offering on my Michael Whittakker shrine whilst listening to Justin Bieber's One Time. I love you Michael. I love you Justin. Te Quiero. xx meow.

"Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason."

OMG! here is a clip from my fave movie Mean Girls. All week I've been trying to fend off the unwanted attention from the Tomcat next door, and I kept thinking about the ideal situation where I tell him to back off. A lunchtime scenario like the clip above, is totes appropriate. Meow Meow. xx

Werrrk that fashun Zumi

Here's some beautiful pictures of me at Catrik Ervell's show earlier this year taken by Tommy Ton @ Jak & Jil. I was the finale cat, and I totally loved being surrounded by the male models who were caressing my newly dyed sensual dove grey fur. I've really gotta get my game up though and start mincing to Finally by Cece Peniston and Perfect by Princess Superstar non stop if I'm going to make the cut at the Cat Couture shows next month. Wish me luck everyone! meow. x

Pretty in Pink

I'm looking out for something pink in my wardrobe for Winter. I love the rose bust detail from the above Moschino Cheap & Chic  Fall 2010 and the sensual pink cape from Yves Saint Laurent Fall 2010... it would look so adorable with my sensual dove grey fur... purrrrrrrr...something pink would totally make me feel like Molly Ringwald in the film Pretty in Pink. love that movie... xx

Purrada Fall 2010

Surprise! I couldn't wait to show you guys, but here is the first of five campaign images I did in January, for Purrada. I look so ethereal under the veil, no? x